What I Learned from Dr. Ethan Kross
Hi friends — Deb here again.
If you’ve ever had your emotions run the show (and let’s be honest, who hasn’t?), then you would have loved sitting in the room with Dr. Ethan Kross. His latest book, Shift: Managing Your Emotions, So They Don’t Manage You, digs into one of life’s biggest challenges: how to keep our feelings from hijacking our health, relationships, and careers.
The night was extra special because it was moderated by Susan Cain (yes, Quiet Susan Cain — the queen of introverts). Between Susan’s thoughtful questions and Ethan’s stories, it felt less like an academic talk and more like sitting around the table with friends swapping life lessons.
Lesson 1: Resilience Can Be Learned (Thanks, Grandma)
Ethan shared that one of his biggest inspirations was his grandmother. She survived the Holocaust, endured unspeakable trauma, and yet carried herself through life with hope, positivity, and strength. Instead of being crushed by the weight of her past, she radiated light.
Ethan spent his career trying to understand how. How could someone exposed to such tragedy still find joy? That question became the seed of his research into emotions — how they shape us, and how we can shape them back.
What I took away: resilience isn’t something you’re just born with. It can be cultivated, practiced, and strengthened like a muscle.
Lesson 2: Your Life Stories Are Your Teachers
What struck me most about Ethan is how personal he gets. He told stories about his own mental health, and about the messy, real-life experiences that shaped his research. One of my favorite images? Ethan showing up to UPenn as a freshman — missing a front tooth, speaking with his Brooklyn accent, and rocking clothes no one else on campus was wearing.
He described feeling like an outsider, unsure how to fit in. And yet, those vulnerable moments became fuel for his curiosity about how we talk to ourselves, how we manage our feelings, and how we navigate tough social spaces.
As someone who’s shown up to meetings with two different shoes on (true story), I found this oddly comforting.
Lesson 3: The Smartest People Make Things Simple
Ethan has this gift: he takes complicated science about emotions and makes it feel usable. He doesn’t hide behind jargon. Instead, he tells down-to-earth stories that make you laugh, nod, and think, “Oh, I’ve been there.”
That’s the magic — because if you can’t explain it simply, is it really helping anyone? Ethan reminded me that emotional intelligence isn’t just a buzzword. It’s something that can genuinely change how we show up in relationships, at work, and even in how we talk to ourselves when no one else is listening.
What I’m Taking With Me
Here’s the heart of it:
Emotions don’t have to run the show. You can shift them. And when you do, you take your power back.
That’s a lesson worth practicing — and one that Loopwell is all about bringing to life.
Try This at Home
Here’s one exercise Ethan shared that I loved (and you can try right now):
Zoom Out: When you’re stuck in a loop of negative thoughts, imagine you’re a “fly on the wall” watching yourself. Describe the situation as if you were observing someone else.
This little trick — called “distanced self-talk” — helps you gain perspective, calm down, and see options you couldn’t see when you were emotionally tangled up.
I tried this after a particularly heated conversation about whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher. Let’s just say: it works.
Nights like this remind me why we created Loopwell’s “Tiny Desk for Well-Being” series: because learning is great, but living it is what changes us.
With gratitude (and slightly more emotional IQ than last week),
Deb